She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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