who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
