you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you traded sex for a burrito?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
