They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
