Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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