He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
