i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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