Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
