i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You are a genius and a whore.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
