oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
