Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
