Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
