I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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