I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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