sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
