Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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