Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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