shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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