Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
