I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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