I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
