I CAN MOONWALK!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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