I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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