she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I am midnight drunk by noon
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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