he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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