Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
