ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
