I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
