Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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