I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
