i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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