is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
