last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
