dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
