shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dick very happy bro
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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