just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
