Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We left an ass print on the piano.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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