birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
