i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
