This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
