I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
