So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
