I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
