nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
