The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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