I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When did angry sex become our thing?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
