Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
