He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
