im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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