I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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