i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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