So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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