Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
