He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
