My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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