I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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