I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
