if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
