I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
