Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
