i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
