nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
