I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize