we have officially lost it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
