I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
