tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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