When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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