We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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