I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
