He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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