i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
