she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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