She's JV to your varsity
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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