I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
